Nikki Alyanna
2 min readJul 10, 2020

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“my internal dialogue shitting on me”

I know what you’re thinking, “oh great.. another SeLf pUbLiShEd mEmOiR.”

What makes this one different? I really can’t answer that for you. You could ask a coworker, a friend, your partner, a parent, maybe a child or even.. *drum roll please* yourself (← I think this one is the scariest!)

Welcome to chronicles of unfortunate events of a female millennial — not yet an adult but no longer a child: building her career, making a disposable income, married to that European she met in Italy that one semester abroad and having it ALL.. especially having all the tantrums that come with denying your borderline personality disorder. 26 years denying to be exact.

I thought long and hard about this..

Of course I did. I over-analyse everything.

..and sought out instant gratification asking my closest friends their thoughts for validation (s/o to my girls!) Now I ask myself, do I want this to be anonymous or better yet a series of fictional stories based off of a true story? Maybe a self-help blog? All I know is.. I want this to be raw, painful and enlightening. I want to start a conversation about borderline personality disorders. I need it to be public and I want it to be real no matter how scary it may be for me or for you. It won’t be pretty and I may regret this but I have to do it. If we don’t start the conversation now.. then who will?

Don’t forget to clap & comment if you enjoyed reading :) Let’s start the conversation!

Throughout reading these articles, please remember to take breaks. I believe you. You will get through this. You are not alone. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273–8255.

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Nikki Alyanna

Confessions & Oversharing the Best and Worse of living with Borderline Personality Disorder